The SEO Kama Sutra…Position is Everything with Keywords

The phrase Kama actually means ‘sexual pleasure’. In the Hindi philosophy, it is one of the four stepping stones to enlightenment and living a fulfilled life.

Those Hindis had something right.

The Kama Sutra is less about technique than it is positioning. See, in the right position, both parties can achieve fantastic, simultaneous orgasms that will leave them feeling like jelly. In the wrong position, their orgasm fizzles for a minute and then falls flat in the most disappointing way. Weirdly, the most successful positions aren’t usually the ones you would assume.

The same goes for SEO. The most successful positions for keywords are often positions that no one thinks about at all.

First, you need to start on the top. Just like the top is the spot where the first orgasm is achieved, the top is the spot that gets the most attention from Google. When writing an article or posting a video, your keyword should be listed in your title. That’s obvious.

But what most people forget is their meta description. A meta description is a short blurb that informs your reader of what the article is about. When you don’t enter your own meta, Google will pull that meta from the beginning of your article.

If your keywords aren’t in there, you will be shit out of luck. When possible, I recommend using a plug in that allows you to enter your own meta description. However, if it’s not possible, you need to make sure that the keyword appears in the meta at least once by putting it into your article within the first paragraph.

Also, why does no one use header tags anymore? Headers tags are kind of like lube. You don’t really need it, but when you use it, everything works much better.  A header tag shows Google that you consider something to be more important, and it gets more attention from Google. Remember, much like lube, header tags should be used sparingly.

Finally, keywords in the URL are incredibly important. If you are using a site like WordPress, never allow it to default to a gibberish URL. Write your own and make sure the keywords are in it. Keywords in the URL are like good oral sex. They aren’t everything everything, but they set the right mood.

Positioning your keywords is just as important as picking the right ones. Much like the Kama Sutra, with a few minor adjustments in position, you could go from a deflating disappointment, to an exploding page rank in no time.

Content Management – A Professional Escort or a $5 Whore

I will admit I have woefully neglected this blog. I have a problem. I am much better at maintaining a monogamous relationship with the occasional three-way, than I am maintaining a polygamous relationship with several needy partners. I will always pick favorites. In this case, my favorite is Essa on Everything, because it lets me do dirty, dirty things to it. This site is more of my ‘missionary only with the occasional doggy style’ partner. It might be boring, but it deserves my attention, so I will try to treat it better in the future.

Today’s post is about content management, with a focus on articles as opposed to other media, as articles tend to be the most search engine easy.  

It amazes me that people still go to low end content mills or hire someone who charges $1.25 to get their content for their sites, out of simple cheapness. Especially when that cheap, broken English content winds up costing them more in the end.

To give you a basis of comparison, I will bring up the world’s oldest profession; prostitution.

Let me break it down for you. I recently watched a documentary called “Whore’s Glory”. In this documentary, the makers took a look at several different…let’s call them Bordellos. I like that word.

Anyway, the worst bordello they looked at was mainly a strip of cheap hotel rooms in a rural Mexican town. There, hookers sold their wares for the American equivalent of $25.

Sounds like a good deal right? That’s until you get down to the brass tacks of it all.

See, $25 didn’t get you just anything. It got you 10 minutes, one position, no oral, no anal, and a very likely case of herpes. These chicks worked in volume, so if you were one of their customers, there was very likely chance you were the 20^th dude they’d been with that day, leading them to giving a halfhearted, exhausted effort…and a scorching case of syphilis.   

In short, the price was low but the service was subpar and the long term results of said service would only hurt you in the end.   

Compare that to a high-end call girl.

In Thailand, there was a high end club where a bunch of clean looking women sat in a glass case, with prices already listed. There was no haggling. Payment at the register bought them for the night, for an American equivalent of anywhere from $500 to $1000.

Here’s the deal; unless you were into some real kinky shit, that price covered everything. The girls were experienced, charming and tested regularly for STDs. They rarely had more than 1 client a day. They weren’t exhausted. They were enthusiastic and looked forward to having clients.

The guys that paid those girls got a night to remember from an experienced, enthusiastic professional, who was pretty, presentable in public places if they wanted to go out, and wasn’t going to give them Gonorrhea.

They paid a higher price, but it paid off in dividends, as these girls didn’t work in volume. They worked in quality. They did an excellent job in the hopes that the client would return. Most of the men had memories to store in their spank bank that would keep them happy for 100 lonely nights.

They pay more, but they get far more value for their dollar.

I have worked as a content manager for several clients and I have seen consistently that quality beats quantity every time.

I used to work for an affiliate marketer who had at least 10 different websites running. In order to keep content coming in, he bought that content from the cheapest people he could find. The articles I received for posting were poorly worded, keyword stuffed, messes of things that were an embarrassment to the human language.

Those articles usually managed to make it to the first page of Google for about 6 hours before they would be plummeted to the darkest depths of Page Rank, or banned by Google entirely.

Then, I had a higher end client who sold jewelry. When we were hiring content writers, even for something as small as 300 word product descriptions, she said to me “don’t focus on price. Instead, hire the best writers who can deliver on the most consistent basis.”

As a result, her page rank is steadily climbing, even though she doesn’t post nearly as often as my affiliate marketer. Also, her website has never been banned and I’ve never had to use a proxy (the internets' equivalent of a condom) to post her articles.

I get that people are busy and that they don’t have time to write all their own articles. Believe me; I have had more than a few blogs that I have abandoned due to lack of time. But if you’re going to hire content writers, you’re pretty much flushing money down the toilet if you’re going to Fiverr and buying 50 articles for $5 a piece.

Where do you think they’re getting those articles? They’re scraping them from the internet and spinning them. You’re getting something used, useless and completely boring that is eventually going to give you the Google equivalent of an STD.

But when you buy quality, you buy a product that keeps on giving.

Google has made it clear with the updates of Panda, Penguin and now, Hummingbird, that they are done with dirty $5 whores clustering up their front pages. They want to show of the classy pages that make them look good. They want to show the pages that keep their clientele coming back for more.

And they don’t want their clients to have to worry about getting viruses after visiting those pages.  

The Lazy Lover – Spammers Getting Slapped

You ever go to bed with someone really selfish? Someone who expects you to do all the work? I can tell you I have. Of course I have. I’m a woman.

What do you do when that happens? Do you actually do all the work and sacrifice your own orgasm to give some lazy bastard theirs? If you’re like me, you say ‘hell no’ and pack it in.

Spam comments work the same way. If you’ve been blogging for awhile, you’ve probably noticed that the more popular you get, the more spammers you have attacking your blog and leaving comments. Most of these spam comments are obviously written by bots. Check out the below example. You can tell its spam from a mile away, because it’s completely generic and poorly written.

If you have a decent spam blocker set up, these should go right into your spam folder. Most of these pieces of spam will be associated with known spammers, so you won’t really need to do anything but dump them in your trash once a week.

However, how do you deal with the individual spammer? An individual spammer is some random idiot, usually new to blogging, who only comments on your page with the intention of slipping in their own link. The below is an example of an individual spammer.

This person is no one I know. They came to my page after I got publicized on the WP Freshly Pressed platform and randomly slipped a link for some of their shitty cartoons into my article.  Their cartoons had nothing to do with my article. In fact, it’s highly unlikely that they even read the article. Instead, they saw I had a high amount of traffic and decided to sneak a link in to get referred traffic from my page.

 In short, they were being a lazy lover, expecting me to do all the work while they reaped all the benefits. Um, no, I don’t think so.

When I get a link from someone I don’t know, who doesn’t regularly interact on my page, I either delete the link or delete the entire comment. I do this for a number of reasons.

First, I want to discourage other lazy lovers from doing the same thing. If someone else comes to my page and sees my comments, they might think that I’m ok with links because I let someone else do it.

Second, if someone is doing this, chances are someone will eventually report them as a spammer. The last thing you want is for people to associate you with a known spammer. When a known spammer puts a link on your page, you’re associated.

Don’t let that happen.

Don’t be impressed by a token effort either. You might have seen something like a ‘pingback’ or ‘trackback’ on your page. In this case, that means a person linked to your post on their own page. If you accept the pingback or trackback, a notification will be added to your comments that works just like a comment.

This is often just a tricky way for spammers to get into your comments section and insert their own links. Once you approve a trackback or pingback, you are linking from your blog to another site. This means that you are telling Google that site is relevant. If it is a spam site, then you could be penalized by Google for it.

However, if you delete the pingback or trackback, they are still sending a link from their page, to your page. You will not be penalized by Google, even if spam sites send links to your page, because you have no control over it.

In short, if someone wants to be a lazy lover on your site, don’t let it happen. Either delete the comment entirely or remove the link. If you don’t know the person, don’t let them get away with using you for their own means. Instead, get up, put your pants on and find a blogger who knows how to return the favor.

Your Missed Connection – The Email Marketing Campaign

You ever check out the missed connections on Craigslist? To give you a general idea, here is one below, from some creepy, lonely dude to some poor innocent female that was probably just minding her own business, trying to chat up some other dude.

You know why the guy who wrote this is never even going to get a courtesy hand job? Because it is a terrible marketing idea! A blind message tossed on the internet has four problems;

1. You have no idea if it’s reaching your target audience. (The girl could have been married, with her boyfriend, etc. etc. Regardless, she was clearly into they guy she was with.)
2. You’re working in a saturated market. (Craigslist has tons of lonely losers and very few hot, available chicks)
3. There is very little chance that the right audience will ever read it. (Only people who are posting a missed connection, or making fun of missed connections, read Missed Connections)
4. If anyone does read it, their response probably won’t be good. (“Eww, that creepy guy who was staring me down is stalking me on the internet!’)

The reason Craigslist Missed Connections is a bad idea is exactly what makes email marketing campaigns a bad idea. The only benefit they have going for them is they’re free. You write up the same marketing message. You paste it into a list of emails you got online and you send it in bulk.

So what if you never make a sale? It’s free, right?

Not really. Sure, it’s free to send a bulk email, but what you lose in credibility and wasted time will cost you in the long run.

Bulk email marketing campaigns don’t work. There was a time when they did, but now, more often than not, potential clients never even see your message. Instead, it goes to their spam box. If you’re lucky, all they’ll do is ignore you.

If you're not, they could report you as a spammer. This has gotten people banned from tons of affiliate marketing platforms, including Amazon.Over time, this practice will  get you listed as a known spammer. No one wants to associate with known spammers.

Does it mean you can never use email? No, you can use email to correspond with potential clients, but your messages should be personalized. They don’t have to be long, or drawn out and half the time, you can send them just as easy as a spam message.

The biggest rule is to never send an email until you’ve gotten permission to send an email. Much like a vampire, you only need to be allowed in once. After that, it’s your party. Just be reasonable. You don’t want to go from potential spammer to potential stalker.

Develop a relationship with people outside of email to get the best results out of an email marketing campaign. If people see a name they don’t know in their inbox, they’re just going to delete it. But if they know you, they’re 100% more likely to open it.  

And you won’t have to go stalking strangers on the internet.

The 68 Strategy – I’ll Do You and You’ll Owe Me One

Do you keep track of how many times you’ve gone down on your partner? I think deep down, everyone does. There’s a reason they call a blow job a job, and that’s because its work. By why to women do it? To build goodwill equity. Maybe their partner will return the favor later, maybe they won’t, but they still have goodwill equity built up.

An interview is a great way to create goodwill equity on the internet. It is your internet blowjob. Even though it looks like your being altruistic, you’re actually doing something to get something. You make out on two fronts. You look like a saint, but you’re secretly getting off.  

On my personal site, I host something called Friday’sFeatured Bloggers. Every Friday, I post an interview with another blogger asking them weird, invasive questions about their sites. I accept guest blogs from a large range of bloggers, from religious types, to dating experts, mommy blogs and more. There is virtually no subject I won’t write about.

Once a week, I pick one of these bloggers and I go through their sites, asking them questions about their page.  Then, on Friday, I post a funny interview with them. I put a humorous slant on everyone, regardless of the blogger, because my site is above all, a humor site.

Then, I wait for the hits to roll in. See, people love being interviewed and most of them will want to show it off. They’ll reblog my posts on their pages. They’ll share it on Facebook and Twitter. Even though the interview is about them and it is designed to increase their exposure, it increases my exposure as well. 

Both I and the featured bloggers make out on two fronts. They have my followers going to their page, and I have their followers coming to mine. They average about 100 site visits per interview (give or take) and gain a few followers. I get around 500 hits per interview and gain at least 10 new followers.

And the whole time, it looks like I’m doing something selfless and nice. I’ve built up my internet blowjob equity.  

Of course, the trick is being the type of page where someone would want to do this. Remember, you only want to play with nice pages, not the sleazy barfly pages that will post everywhere. So if you want to set up your own interview campaign, you need to know how to make it work.

1. Be established. By established, I mean have a regular following of 200 or more. These 200 should be quality followers who actually read what you write and who interact on your page. Otherwise, it’s a waste of time to do an interview marketing campaign. The sites you interview don’t have to be established to do this, but you do. Otherwise, no one will ever read the interviews and you won’t attract quality bloggers to interview.
2. Have a clear set of guidelines. You can do like me and allow everyone in, or you can pick only a niche topic. Regardless, you must have standards. For my interview campaign, I don’t do sites that are obvious spam sites or are poorly written. I don’t do sites that are more than 20% reblogs. Finally, I don’t do sites that write about writing. The first two I don’t do for obvious reasons. The last one I don’t do because I’m a writer. I’m not going to sent traffic to my competitors’ page. That’s just stupid. Also, I find writing about writing pages boring. There, I said it.
3. Have a posting schedule. Let people know when their interviews will posted and give yourself some time. I would recommend only doing one interview per week. Unfortunately, most people don’t really like reading interviews, so if you do too many, you’re followers will get bored.
4. Have a slant. Because most people aren’t crazy about interviews, you have to give them a  reason to read. For my interviews, I ask normal questions, then I toss in a few weird ones. I also do made up intros where I pretend to meet my bloggers for in person interviews in places like rehab, prison or a men’s locker room.
5. Archive your featured blogger so you can keep gaining equity into it for the long term. I have a separate featured blogger page set up where all my bloggers are archived. This way, people can click on their picture and get taken to the blog post about them. This is also where all the people who want to be featured bloggers can sign up. If you choose not to do that, you can always put them on your blog roll. The point is to keep your pages transparently connected.Above all, only interview people who have something to say. I only pick interesting individuals to feature because, again, interviews are not popular. The more interesting the person, the better a chance I have of getting people to read the interview with that person. 
6. Make sure to link. If they’re going to the trouble of answering your question, be sure to throw in at least 3 links in the bargain. I allow unlimited links, as long as people don’t get crazy.

 

A featured blogger campaign is a great way to build goodwill among a quality audience on the internet. Everyone likes oral, whether its receive it or talking about themselves. Give them a chance and you can increase your page views as they increase theirs. Much like Deep Throat, you’ll be quietly getting off while they think they’re getting all the attention.

Completely Bullshit SEO Myth – Interaction is Everything!

You ever go to a bar and spend two hours flirting with someone who you have no interested in, who isn’t interested in you? Maybe you guys are just passing time until the love of your lives shows up. Maybe you decide to take this person, that you’re really not interested in, home for some anonymous sex

Then you wake up the next morning, wondering what city you’re in, and completely regretting the night before.

That’s what most of your interactions are going to turn into on the internet if you do them wrong. Most likely, when trying to boost your ranking, the number one thing you’ve heard is ‘interact’. Some people mistakenly believe that means throwing themselves around, clicking ‘follow, follow, follow’ and hoping people follow them back. They might even throw a couple comments like ‘nice post!!!’ or even worse, ‘please follow me back’ in the comments section.

That does not help. In fact, it’s the mark of an amateur and any quality reader will be able to tell that you are a blog spammer. Blog spammer followers suck because they only come to your page once and only comment to get you to go to their page and read what they wrote.

These types of followers are useless to you. If you're trying to increase your fan base, they’ve never read a word you said because they're not fans. If you're trying to sell a product, they’re never going to buy it.

“What about word of mouth,” you protest before I shove the ball gag back in. “They might not buy it, but their friends might. I’m increasing my exposure.” 

You’re only increasing your exposure if they fucking remember you!!! If they’ve randomly followed you, then chances are, they’ve randomly followed 1000 people that day. You’re just a blurry face in a crowd to them.

If you want to gain quality followers, i.e. the people who will actually read what you write and will actually increase your genuine exposure, then you need to be genuine on the internet. Turn blogging into a hobby. Make some damn friends. Follow pages your interested in and not everything under the sun.

I’m about to be annoying again. Write quality and post regularly.  Then, people you interact with will be quality. Ignore the fly by likes and resist the urge to do it yourself.

Interaction is not everything on the internet. Quality is. Don’t go spamming page to page. People can spot a spammer from a mile away.

What would you rather have? A partner who’s slept with a lot of low quality people and won’t remember your name? Or a partner who’s slept with a bunch of famous people and does a lot of kinky shit in bed?

Be unforgettable, not easy. Reserve your follows for the people you respect and turn your relationship long term, instead of a one night stand. You’ll feel a lot better about yourself in the morning.

The Hub and Spoke – Or Turning Your Site Into an Internet Orgy

Ever had a three way? If you have, then chances are you noticed something. They're only good if you know what you're doing.

The hub and spoke strategy is your internet orgy. If you do it right, you'll soon be seeing multiple climaxes in multiple areas. If you do it wrong, everyone will be flopping around, self conscious and there will be one guy with his dick hanging out, not doing anything at all. No one will get off.

If you want to get off, you need to know your internet erogenous zones. i.e. niche topics.

A hub and spoke works like a bicycle wheel. There is one main page, or hub, that all the other pages, or spokes, branch off of. For example, this page, The SEO Slut, is a spoke page to my main page, Essa on Everything.

The hub and spoke works really well if you can break your topic down into niches. On my main page, I write humor on a very general range of topics, from sex to internet scams. However, my target audience there generally doesn't have the desire or the knowledge to care about SEO. So I turned that into a niche page and started writing here.

This is the first spoke in my hub. This gives me multiple benefits. I get more incoming links for my main page. I get internet traffic and I get my name out there. In addition, its not hard, or expensive to do.

I run my main page off a wordpress.org platform hosted by Blue Host. However, for my spoke page, I have a 100% free blogger account. When I set up another spoke page, I will do it on a web 2.0 platform like Squidoo...also free.

This gets my name in multiple platforms as well. When you get started on any platform, the majority of your initial followers will be from that platform. If you can get multiple followers on multiple pages, you're going to climb in the rankings. Eventually, your page get most of its searches from organic traffic.

Plus, with a niche, you can really target your SEO.

Finally, these free websites are pretty easy to maintain. I'll post generally 1-2 times per week on this page, and 3 times per week on my other one. And I don't interact on my spoke page. On this page, I have comments disabled. This is for two reasons. One, answering comments on multiple pages would be too much and I'd soon be ripping my hair out. Two, anyone who is interested enough to try to contact me will head over to my main page and I stand the chance of getting a high quality follower.

High Quality Follower = someone who actually reads the shit you write.

I would recommend starting off one spoke and adding on as you get more time. Take a look at your general overall topic and break off one small, specific piece of it. If you run a dating site, create a spoke page just about dating online or something like that. This will allow you more target SEO and will expose you to a new audience.

God knows how I love to expose myself to audiences.